Why is it so Difficult to See Eye-to-Eye with Others?

Common biases can lead us to disagree.

There are certain biases in social perception — how we see the social world around us — that almost guarantee that two individuals will see things differently. But recognizing these biases and developing strategies to overcome them can increase our understanding of each other and bring us closer in strengthening relationships that are so important to leadership.

Here are three key reasons why we, and others, inevitably see things differently:

1. The Actor-Observer Bias

This is perhaps the most pervasive bias in human reasoning. In any situation, there is an actor — the person who is performing some behavior — and an observer — a person who is watching the actor behave. Observers are biased toward making dispositional attributions about the cause of the behavior, concluding that the reason for the actor’s behavior is something about the actor’s personality or dispositional make-up. For example, the actor trips and falls, and the observer concludes the actor is “clumsy.” Actors, on the other hand, are biased toward making situational attributions — seeing their own behavior as more likely caused by the situation or environment — “the uneven pavement made me trip.” This can lead to disagreements, particularly when leaders are appraising team members’ performance.

2. The Self-Serving Bias It is human nature to try to take more than our share of credit for successful outcomes, and to try to avoid blame for failures. This is called the self-serving bias, and it’s the reason that people overestimate their contributions to the team and underestimate the contributions of others.

3. The Projection Bias This is the tendency to assume that others share our beliefs and values. This is particularly problematic when leaders and followers don’t share important goals. Leaders may assume that team members are “on the same page,” when they are not.

For Development: Understanding these human biases is important for leaders. Combat the actor-observer bias by “putting yourself in the other person’s shoes” and seeing things from the other person’s perspective. Objective measurement of performance/contributions helps defeat self-serving bias. Finally, don’t assume — communicate openly with others about their beliefs, values, and goals. This will help combat the projection bias. When in doubt about another’s beliefs, thoughts, or perceptions, ask them!